That there is something about each of us that is rejectable. This is the essence of shame. And this is why some degree of shame haunts all human beings. Try as we might to always be in a validated or winning position in our lives, there is always some exposure to losing or not prevailing. Even among those most blessed among us, there are still those painful moments of failure. More than that, the culture around us is constantly presenting pictures of winners versus losers, success versus failure, those admirable versus those despicable. Reward and punishment becomes mixed in with cultural pictures of value versus devalue in ever complicated ways.
Shame is a social hurt. It has to do with inclusion versus exclusion. Primitive categories prevail; if your “bad’ versus “good”… your excluded/unwanted/rejected and seen as having no value or worth. Psychological well-being is inextricably tied up with the sense of social belonging… and the sense of social belonging is tied up to being able to mount within oneself a sufficient sense of “good/worth/value.”
