One of the great contributions that Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) has brought to marital treatment is an understanding/method to take down the negative cycles in struggling marriages. In addition, with the inclusion of what is called “stage two work” we have an understanding/method to convert the marital negative cycles into empathic healing and attachment intimacy in marriage. To this is added “stage three work” where both in the marriage are supported in bringing forth their underlying needs/desires/hopes into a safe sharing/reception within the marriage. My concern for the long term health of marriages is that the encountering conversations continue to happen both between sessions but also long after the therapy has come to an end. For this reason, it is important to continue a deepening of the couples therapy past the resolution of areas of conflict; because the more long-lasting changes in the marriage depend upon changing the “interactional process” in the marriage, not the resolution of content differences. That is, that the couples therapy is only enduring if it alters the actual dance that the couple does. To last, the therapy must impact the actual process of the couple. Otherwise, the improvements within the marriage inevitably recede over time.
About Orin Borders, Ph.D.
Orin Borders, Ph.D, a psychologist in private practice with a long standing interest in the Marriage-Of-Opposites, is the originator on this site.
