Some cannot escape the feeling of “being bad,” while some others cannot bear the feeling of “being bad.” This is a common but very difficult contrast in many marriage-of-oppposites. Among these couples the core experience of each partner can be inherently threatening to the other. This sense of mutual threat can deeply interfere with the couple’s experience of mutual empathy, joining/connecting, or being “on the same page.”
Commonly, the partner identified with “being bad” can end up feeling very alone and judged in their badness… that they are the only one in the marriage who is bad. This sense of not “sharing the badness'” can overwhelm profoundly threaten their sense self-worth/self-esteem, resulting in defensive attempts to throw the “badness” back at their more self-assured, defended partner.
