So much of the wounding we look at in therapy is in the area of “needing and wanting but not having.” And what this forms inside of us. And then what happens to us, when through changed circumstances of a relationship, the “needed and wanted” is now within our reach… when we have long ago formed core beliefs about ourselves and others based upon the assumption of “not having” what is “needed and wanted.” Commonly, the core belief that “I don’t have what I need” persists even when contradicted that I now have what I need. This, I think, is at the heart of so much of our work in psychotherapy.
So often, when we form a core belief about ourselves and our relationships with others, new experiences that that contradict the core belief, do not necessarily change or update the core belief. The new and better experiences are often internalized to create a layered belief system, with the new experiences being used to support a positive outside defense against the core negative belief, but largely leaving the internal belief unchanged at an unconscious level.
