Admidst the terrible moments of high conflict, or the more usual moments of daily dulled marital distance, it is common for both partners to nurse an underlying feeling that the other is “the enemy” or “an enemy.” This kind of thinking or “attituding” is the primitive underbelly of many marital relationships. This is an aspect of “core functioning” or “core self” that probably has its roots in the primitive fight/flight emotional centers of the brain. When we remind ourselves that, in fact, our partner is not the enemy, we are then drawing upon the resources of “outer functiong” or “outer self” which likewise is probably derived from higher cortical functions in the brain. Such a shift in perspective is, by itself, valuable because it sets the stage for a taking down of polarization and the reactivation of emotional connection.
About Orin Borders, Ph.D.
Orin Borders, Ph.D, a psychologist in private practice with a long standing interest in the Marriage-Of-Opposites, is the originator on this site.
