An error in judgement

There is an error in judgment that so many of us at the beginning of relationships make. That is, one or both in the relationship get so lined up with the big picture fit, the way the the two fit together from an outside world perspective, that they do not sufficiently pause to feel into the realm of the deeply personal fit of the relationship. The two can be so lined up in terms of education, backgrounds, intentions to have children, values, athletic interests, outdoor activities, shared community of friends, etc. that they overlook how emotionally connected they actually feel with each other. For months, often years, the shared outer-world enthusiasms can carry the couple… but in my experience, the empty feeling of not having established a deeply connected safe inner connection eventually asserts itself in various forms of marital unhappiness. The challenge at these times is either to becomes emotionally acquainted with each other, or risk a chronically painful marriage or a marital ending. Of course, this is the hopeful task of emotions focused couples therapy.