Most of us have had significant attachment wounding in our early lives. Hence, we bring to our adult primary attachments a certain amount of insecure expectations, to which we respond to with either pursuing or avoiding modes of defending. Most of us have never learned how to talk about these feelings, one person to another. Our romantic attachments leave us feeling so youngly vulnerable, we commonly function from the expectation that mutual attunement should just work out on its own. In essence, we commonly function from a kind of self-other fusion when it comes to our primary attachments. Hence when attunement fails or disappoints, we are caught without sufficient differentiation to be able to be able to actually communicate about our differences, rather, we just react.
About Orin Borders, Ph.D.
Orin Borders, Ph.D, a psychologist in private practice with a long standing interest in the Marriage-Of-Opposites, is the originator on this site.
